Sunday, July 17, 2005
maybe because it's sundayEmptiness is consuming. I feel unsure of myself, and almost overwhelmed such that I don't know how to write about what's bugging me. I don't like it when things in my life go off kilter, in the negative sense of course, because I end up feeling like I've got no more control.
This morning I woke up way too early, but had the big breakfast that I wanted. So I was very sleepy throughout church, skipped lunch and slept. Now that I'm trying to study my music I feel like I've already covered everything, I just need to learn how to apply it, which is the tricky part.
Eating/making sushi is a fun family activity. At least it helps cool down the tension and puts everyone at ease. I have been surprisingly easygoing this past week, I hope I stay that way for a long time to come. It bothers me when people let their problems get the better of them and they start affecting everyone else. It's irrational. I used to do that when I was younger, doing the whole angst thing, but I've definitely mellowed.
Youth is a wonderful thing to have, in spite of all the awkward changes. I'll never have this much fun, this little responsibility again. Somehow I cannot imagine what it must be like to grow old, to face a barrage of aging conditions, crow's feet, brown spots, fine lines, wrinkles and what not. Some of it the consequences of youth, I suppose. Having to slow down, having less than what I have now but still having more in other areas is a scary thought. And so, I must relish everything now, and milk the best out of everything.
I watched the Tour de France earlier, it was a sprint to the finish line for the winner [a sprint specialist], and an amazing one at that. To still have that extra something after riding updownup the mountains, and so close to the finish line, now that's wonderful stuff. I'm not a cycling buff, or a cycling fan, but this just captivates me.
rachel at 11:36 PM