Thursday, August 04, 2005
am i supposed to be really happy to see you or something?In the midst of typing an entry off goes my net connection. Blah. Anyways, I've gone through a fair bit of revelations, am battling an illness and finished my music exam, all since school started proper this week. I realise I always hanker after something that's not good for me, or something elusive. I just, have to have it anyway. I try to fight it, I try to walk away, but it always draws me back. Tasting the forbidden fruit is always so tempting, and after that, I'll go back to being good again.
But right now, I don't think I can deal with any more drama. It'd be so much easier for me to know who someone really is then to constantly having to psychoanalyze everything to see if that person is just testing me to see how I'll respond, or if that's just the way the person is. I find myself drawn to enigmatic people, because you always want to find out more about them, and then when they build up more walls around themselves and I find myself falling short, I just get tired of the game. Then they try to draw you back by reaching out again, isn't that how it works? I told myself that's it, I'm done but now, I don't know. I don't know if anything said can be taken at face value, and I don't know what all this means, if it means anything at all. Blub. Well I'd like for it to mean something, after everything, but I daren't hope for it.
Geez. I want superfunness and relaxation and plain old heart to hearts, it's been too long. Shopping, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, a new dining place, all that would be great. And pictures to go along. I've now mastered Photoshop thanks to CS108! Gotta get poor shelved and cast aside social life back on track, huzzah.
rachel at 12:44 AM