Friday, December 16, 2005

the old one

So many late nights in a row when I don't have any reason to be doing so.

I was reminded of the blog I had before, the one on Diary-x last year. It's password protected and yeah I forgot the password. I managed to log in and view the password I'd set: something to do with Italian jewellery and the jersey number of my ex-favourite soccer player who decided he preferred tapas to fish and chips and following a flurry of speculation, absconded from ex-football team. He wasn't so attractive after that, nor has he played as well.

Point is, I read through some entries and marvelled at how chatty/conversational I used to be and how amusing the stuff in there is. My writing's so much more subdued now. Darn I wish I were 17, 18 again [in spite of the traumatising A Levels].

I was so mad with that pompous b**** just now. She loves to roll her eyes and acts so proud. I guess she knows that I don't like her anymore. It's hell working with her. I got the overdue laptop(1 1/2 weeks!) out of my locker today. How dare she tell her math teacher that I was holding on to the biblio and she was stressed out over the report cuz everything was in shambles when SHE is the one who compiled all the resources and I am a WRITER so I don't compile research, doh! I am so angry with her for looking like a pathetic loser and putting the blame on me when the teacher asks why she looks so stressed. During GP I asked her if she'd the biblio and she rolled her eyes at me and got annoyed. Argh!!! I don't want to talk about this anymore, it utterly disgusts me. She disgusts me to the core.

Guess who? But anyway, good grief, I wrote this?! I must have been really cross. It's so hilarious now I can't believe I wrote something so silly.

And then I found this...where I found somewhere else and pasted it in an entry.

Maybe loving someone means needing them in your life. When you think about it, there aren't many people in the world whom you can't live without. Or rather, there aren't many people in the world who will make your life break apart if they disappeared suddenly from the face of the earth. Because when you love someone so much, all the little things matter. As trivial as they may seem. It's why wives get annoyed over forgotten anniversaries. Or how guys get riled up when another guy hits on their girl. It's why people still forgive and forget after hurting each other so much. Maybe loving someone means allowing them the privilege of being able to hurt you. That having the understanding and familiarity of each other either rubs you up on every little issue or allows you to overlook the menial everyday things because love and the big picture means more than getting annoyed at small stupid things.

&

There are these moments of clarity in the confusion of life where you see everything clearly, and when they happen, you're so grateful for those moments you could cry-because they stop the aching inside and everything makes sense, if only for a little while.

rachel at 12:51 AM

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