Saturday, December 31, 2005

"once in a blue moon" verbosity

2005 has been a year of many firsts for me - working [for more than 2 weeks], getting the dreaded A Level results, going to university [here], living in the dorm, and learning how naive I was. At the beginning of the year I don't think I expected myself to be here, but then I also drew a blank at thinking of the possibilities. Even though some doors were closed to me and I faced alotta disappointments, I still had many tempting opportunities that made decision-making very difficult. It's been a long year, but unfortunately one that I am never gonna have again.

Next year I'll be 20. No more something-teen. Somehow that always impresses people. When you're 20 and above people seem to have certain expectations of you. Even if I grow older I don't want to lose the essence of myself - I still want to be the same klutzy and silly girl who's always daydreaming and smiles to herself, and is easily amazed.

I feel like this year I've just been stumbling along, never quite finding my footing, and just being unsure of myself. I think I started to lose focus of who I was, became self-deprecating and lost my sense of self-worth. But then you meet people who are so passionate about what they do and relentlessly pursue their interests and it reminded me of the old me back in school. I guess I had started getting jaded and this realization came towards the end of the year, so that's with good timing.

I daren't hope for too much next year, and I'm not gonna invest too much significance over the fact that it's the New Year. In fact, I've been wallowing the past few days over something that I thought I had gotten over already. Next year I am definitely not going to take things for granted.

I am infinitely grateful for all the people I have met this year, the new friendships and even old ones that were solidified. And even my family, exasperating and incomprehensible they can be at times, they have been comforting, generous and indulging of me.

So as we ring in the New Year I'll remember what once was and never will be and look forward to what is to come.

Today was a lovely day spent out with the cousins lunching at a Shanghainese restaurant [that serves great noodles and fabulous red bean pancakes] followed by Venezia gelato. Orchard Road later was a crazy and claustrophobic experience. Never seen before 50% off storewide at Armani Jeans (!!!) but I digress. It rained buckets again and on my way back I wished I had a driving license and a car. So that my sandals and feet wouldn't get wet, so that I wouldn't be mucking around in puddles of water and so that I could stay clean, dry and warm. Or that when I get home I won't find a fallen palm tree blocking the path completely when I enter the side gate and I have to crawl under it.

When I got home I found that this morning when my bro and I left the house the living room windows weren't closed - I could have sworn I shut them but we wouldn't have ended up with a flooded living room otherwise. :/

Oh well.

Happy New Year dearies.

rachel at 8:51 PM

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