Monday, January 09, 2006

the looking glass

Mondays are notorious for starting school early and ending late and today was the first time I experienced my new timetable proper. I didn't even get to lunch cuz of meetings though I did have snacks with me. I'm thoroughly spent now. I just felt like I was drifting through everything, a casual expressionless observer of what's going on around me and not having my heart in it. I've got my notes in front of me, my pen poised, ready to scribble whatever noteworthy stuff there is, but I'm not there. Everything feels strange and mismatched. The only thing keeping me sane would be being around my friends, and that's most comforting. Apart from hot tea on a fricking cold and wet day.

Then I come home and everything's warm and lovely. Watching tv with my family, with theprerequisite pie and ice-cream. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it makes me want to snuggle under the comforter, read a book or magazine, instead of trooping around school and seeing similarly deflated faces. I'm just not one for conversing right now.

So tomorrow's a public holiday and Wednesday was supposed to be a "holiday" but now it's become the obvious choice of day for holding make up tutorials and any other random events. Eeew. And I thought I would have wonderful days off to do random things on a whim.

I realize I've been rather self-absorbed lately. I can't help but feel like I've crawled into this shell to protect myself from the selfishness of other people whom I've tried numerous times to please and make happy but which they don't see. And now, how does it make me different from them.

rachel at 11:26 PM

0comments