Wednesday, March 29, 2006
argh. it doesn't pay to be nice or patient with people. this after having my toes stepped and being climbed over to the point that i'm seriously questioning why do i even bother putting up with it all?i think that losing one's temper doesn't leave a very good impression on others, so i try to be diplomatic as possible. i'll smile, hold my tongue, bite my lip, clench my fist and curl my toes. i am not very good at showing i am annoyed or angry, i guess. i used to be the opposite, though, but not at the extreme end.
being firm is the key, i suppose. i hate not being taken seriously just because i appear to be easygoing, and after awhile people just take advantage of your niceness and they cannot accept it if you show an ounce of displeasure.
yesterday as i stepped out of the train and walked down the stairs, someone literally pushed me from behind because he was in a hurry and i was in his way. i clutched the railing to avoid falling and this meant that i was blocking him since he was trying to cut in front of me from that side. of course it aggravated him further and he grunted very loudly. he then proceeded to shove the person adjacent to him aside and cut in front of me.
just because you are late for school, work or an appointment gives you no right to do something uncivilised like that. it's downright barbaric, who the hell in his right mind pushes other people deliberately? it just goes to show how insensitive and un-civic-minded and selfish some people are. i was stunned and surprised myself by not saying anything. if i was who i was circa 2005 and younger...i'd probably be like 'fuck you what the fuck do you think you are doing you bloody asshole' or something to that degree. which'd just show that my high tolerance level had whittled down to the range of the negative. now it's more of like, just give me some time i'll cool down.
i won't say that i'd hate someone for being mean or causing hurt to me...i'd just never forget how i felt when that happened. perhaps it'd be good for people to know your limits so they don't push it so far. i'll have to work on that.
rachel at 9:27 PM