Tuesday, March 21, 2006
okay, so i haven't updated in heaps. it hasn't been eventful, and things are starting to pick up steam again. everything's a mess, the state of my room being a prime example. there's so many things to do and i'm struggling to do everything well but not quite measuring up. i just wanna hold it all together, stop the rush, madness and major bloopers, and quit disappointing myself. somehow nothing ever goes quite smoothly in such circumstances and the most frustrating thing would be to be misunderstood.feeling damn shagged now, what with thoughts of exams looming in under a month and that dastardly project due next week. i wanna channel my energies into studying for the exams because quite frankly i haven't studied all semester except for the odd quiz or so and i am starting to get worried.
last weekend was one of the most relaxing ones with hardly anything to do. no impending deadlines, anyway. on friday morning i hitched a ride to town from my dad and made some silly impulse buys. i felt tired the next few days despite not doing anything that required much effort, the worst was not being able to sleep. we went for a wake on saturday and that really did me in on sunday.
my unhealthy habits are creeping up on me again, just when i've been doing good so far.
i'd hate to turn 20 this way, with a flurry of activity that makes everything rush by. i'd just like things to slow down a bit, so i'm really grateful that i'll turn 20 on sunday and not on a weekday which would have put me in a bah-humbuggish mood. i figured instead of being so apprehensive about getting older i should be more appreciative, right?
i'm cheered up by the early presents from some of my family, and london mail:) sure, everyone's got to deal with a daily dose of crap but there's just some things, not to mention people, that really do give you something to be thankful for and to smile about. i've been so pessimistic and negative lately but in the grand scheme of things [which is what we should focus on!] it could be worse.
so i think that when i turn 20, i want to be thankful, happy and hopeful.
rachel at 11:34 PM