rachel, unravelling

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

potsy potbellies

I am so stuffed - there was so much good food to eat today. I wasn't feeling that good still this morning, but took some medicine and went out anyways, to meet the lovely 6-foot something Genny. We tried the new dessert tapas at Bakerzin, they've got quite a spread so we started off at 3 just to experiment. I loved the banana pizza with cinnamon ice-cream the best! Bananas in syrup on a flaky crust with a spoon of ice-cream and topped with mint - lovely. The pistachio creme brulee wasn't that great though...I suppose pistachio gelato or pistachio not in its original nut form doesn't taste that great? The chocolate and hazelnut ice-cream with rice crisps wasn't too bad either. Unfortunately we didn't enjoy our main course very much because we decided to be adventurous and for once eat something else other than the bacon, ham and mushroom flaky pizza but seriously, I think that really tops the savoury food there.

I love going out with Genny because we operate pretty much on the same wavelength. We like the same TV shows, shops, and had the urge to go to Starbucks at the same time. I wish their peppermint mochas weren't seasonal though, they're fabulous!

OK, I'm really short.

Naturally, a meetup with her wouldn't be complete without shopping. Bags and sunnies were on the agenda. On Pedder has some gorgeous bags that unfortunately come with exorbitant price tags. I really liked the Mulberrys and Botkiers. Plus they had really cute shoes too.

I tried on a pair of Dior aviators that would have been perfect if not for the way too bling frames. I didn't quite like the crystal studded Diors on both sides. Same for Chanel, the wraparounds were great save for the interlocking Cs on the sides that were a tad too big - don't really like such blatant display. The sunglasses display at Chanel is amazing though - they had two columns, floor to ceiling of sunglasses. Plus, the service was so impeccable.

Outside Tag Heuer. The display of tennis balls was really cool.

Tonight, my mom made fettucine for dinner, and then we had strawberries and soyabean milk. She also made hashima for dessert. After lunch I felt incredibly bloated. After dinner I just laid down on the bed, folded some clothes and talked to my mom because I was that full.

I am going to have to stay home and rest the next few days, and write poetry feverishly, while waiting for my temperature to drop, and for heaven's sake not go up again.

rachel at 10:19 PM

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Monday, November 28, 2005

precious moments

Oldies playing quietly in the background
Basking in the glow of candlelight
Smiles lighting up our faces
Our eyes sparkling
Radiant as we laugh over
Two glasses of vino
Stories pouring from our lips
Flowing out of our hearts
As we shared our passions and lives
Lamenting over the lack of time

Quiet settled over
As we slowly made our exit
And then I felt the frisson
Like never before
I was drawn
But then you said goodbye
And took my hand
Forever was in this instant
This instant I wished would last and last
Right then, and every moment afterwards.

Sometimes when you least expect it, the wind comes and sweeps you off your feet, washes the world clean again and makes you see the stars in the expanse of the dark night sky. And that moment of clarity ushers in hope and makes you want to throw all caution to the wind, because here was bliss that had long been a stranger, here was passion the guarded heart could not ignore.

"There is every possible reason for happiness, but it’s a moment of sadness too…

Although the poet Shelley was right about our sincerest laughter being fraught with sadness, it’s the sadness, in a way, which makes our happiness complete."

Excerpts from Where there’s a Will: Thoughts on the Good Life by John Mortimer

Fever up, again. I do things like write poems at 8-ish in the morning.

rachel at 9:08 PM

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Sunday, November 27, 2005

keeling over

I have been out of sorts since I returned from my trip, first it was the aching leg muscles and back [too much shopping, overloaded backpack?] then the migraines and then the fluctuating fever. Most of my time has been spent taking afternoon naps, watching too much cable, flipping through magazines and voraciously reading, averaging on one book per day. I'm not into the academia sort of reading list - dry, convoluting and plain boring.

Today I finished The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd because it was that good. Beautiful, earnest and clean prose is what I like. And nice quotable annotable stuff:

...typically you fell in love with something missing in yourself that you recognized in the other person...

God is the one whose center is everywhere and circumference is nowhere.

Right on.

So after church I went for a long overdue haircut [hair looks reminiscent of broomstick] and it's one of those nice therapeutic things that make you feel instantly better and lighter. Literally, a load off one's shoulders. Today's probably the best and most lucid I've felt ever since returning and I'm not dreadful and cranky for once.

rachel at 9:07 PM

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Friday, November 18, 2005

packrats and jackets

If I don't like being compared to others, then why am I doing the same thing? I wonder if it's got anything to do with what we learnt in 101 on perception: we find a prototype [ideal of a category], apply personal constructs [bipolar characteristics], stereotypes [predict what will happen] and then scripts [how we act/what we say]. Not exactly, but close.

As usual, I've overpacked, and managed to sneak in some extra clothes. While packing I discovered I've got way too many sweaters and jackets in my closet - mostly bought in England because it gets cold there. I'm pretty much good to go and glad to have some respite. Will have my phone with me, but I doubt I will use it much, the odd sms/call home/radio/camera. Geez, I can't even activate my phone's Internet connectivity because it's not included in my plan.

Alright...I suppose when I get back people will be finishing up their exams so it'll be perfect for meetups. I do intend to have as much fun as possible before school starts. :)

rachel at 10:52 PM

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Thursday, November 17, 2005

hustle and bustle

Well well, two hectic days of running around doing various things have left me shagged.

Yesterday was so hellish because I decided that I would heck-my-lack-of-car-to-pick-me-up, not trouble my parents, and move everything home from hall myself. After shoving my bedlinen, cushion and flouncy quilt into the biggest duffel bag I could find at home and realising my pillows wouldn't fit, I realised it was gonna be hard because there was so much more. It helped that my room was near the road - I asked the taxi driver to wait while I made two trips up and down to carry everything.

Then of course, there was no one at home so I had to carry everything upstairs myself. In one trip, not possible, so I took the risk, hoped nobody would find my Ikea stuff/Tupperware/random cleaning stuff appealing and made two trips. Totally aching after that. There was, of course, the added and tedious task of unpacking everything. :/

I get alotta people asking me why I live in hall when I'm pretty much near school. For the experience, and it's only for one semester. It's not bad, if you discount the bad food, occasional bugs, and crazy boys whooping and creating a din between 1-3am on a regular basis. There is the nice feeling of independence, of being close to friends, and of being able to wake up later.

So this is my block, and I live on the second floor, see the room on the extreme right. And even though it is the second floor, I have to walk up two slopes and three flights of stairs to get there. School's so hilly it's like a mini-San Fran.

Then there is my stuffy room, despite the fan being on full blast all the time - my made/unmade bed, my table, the view from outside my room. From the outside it looks very resort-ish.

I put this on my bulletin board, yeah I know I'm OD'ing on the pink.

This morning I went to Arab Street to pick up some supplies and I left with so many ideas for new earrings that I couldn't wait to get home. But then I walked past the new National Library and went in, where I decided to borrow some new books and start reading again. Then I went window shopping at City Hall - I am on a self-imposed shopping ban since I'll be away on holiday where I suppose there will be lots of shopping.

Have to pack, have to clean up my room, have to run errands for my parents. Arghhh.

rachel at 11:29 PM

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

twiddling my thumbs, tapping my toes

Having been so busy all this while makes me feel guilty for having nothing to do. I find myself rushing to do things and then I stop because it doesn't make any sense. I feel compelled to have something to do because not doing anything feels like a strange concept altogether.

Today's shopping trip [haven't been to Orchard in ages] was fruitless and I think I prefer online shopping nowadays because of the variety and the fact that some stuff can't be found here. Or, if it's available here, it's a ripoff.

I stocked up on Crystal Jade egg tarts and Coffee Club muesli cookies but they're all gone now because I gave my brother the license to eat. :P

The weather's been a bitch, and it's supposed to be the rainy season.

rachel at 9:52 PM

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Monday, November 14, 2005

liberation!

Ohla! The exams are over and yes, the long-awaited and much-needed holidays are here again. And to think it's barely 4 months of school! It seems like so much has happened in such a short span of time that there hasn't been any time to sit down and process everything. It's been a blur of endless project meetings, mostly boring lectures [except for 102] that I ended up skipping, late nights in a stuffy hall room, unpalatable canteen food, notably characterised by new faces, lots of fun, and a lack of studying.

It's been a whirlwind first semester I guess. Now that everything has stopped I'm relieved that I have some time to do stuff that I really want. Wakeboarding, anyone? Couldn't help feeling a bit empty today, not knowing what to do with so much free time on my hands and not having anyone to spend it with. Inevitably I thought of something that I haven't been thinking about because the exams kept me preoccupied. I guess it hasn't really gone away although everything else has more or less gone back to normal.

Nonetheless, holidays are holidays and meant to be leisurely, indulgent and heaps of fun. Can't wait ;)

rachel at 11:07 PM

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Sunday, November 13, 2005

My song of the mo', 'Kite' by U2

So these are some rather outdated pics of Mel and I at Wala Wala because she finally got her camera back.

Exiting Wala: This amuses me quite, I think I flipped my hair or smth/In the pub/My cosmo and Mel's "little crap"/After dinner at Cafe Rosso

It's one of those awfully hot days where you feel like wilting. Am feeling very well fed, with angel's hair pasta and steak with a potato salad for lunch and dinner respectively. There isn't alot to study for 108...there just is lotsa figuring out to do for me and I'm glad my dad and brother are technology experts.

rachel at 12:05 AM

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Saturday, November 12, 2005

madonna@zouk

I was supposed to be studying tonight. But Mel made an offer too good to resist: vip tickets to the launch party of Madonna's new CD at Zouk.

Ohla. Anyway, I hadn't seen the new Zouk yet. Now I think it looks smaller but more sophisticated.

I'm not a huge fan of Madonna, but Mel is. However, I do like how she's still able to dance so well despite her age. I thought they'd be spinning her music or something but hardly. They did do a Madonna in retrospect kinda thing, with dancers and scantily clad models and all of a sudden there was a swarm of guys on the dance floor. *rolls eyes*

The bit where I had the most fun was where I sabo-ed Mel and she had to go on stage with other people and dance to the new single, but in the end she got the new album for all her embarrassment.

Yeah, so after the games, there was like, nothing. Nobody danced. The house music was not bad but everyone stuck to their clumps of friends and the dancefloor was empty. Arghhhh, frustrating much. I doubt people here are that inhibited.

Because the party started at 7pm I didn't get to have dinner. It's a bad idea to drink on an empty stomach especially when you've just had gastric. Anyway, we left after awhile so I could go eat. Here's us outside Zouk.


So this means I have to spend my Saturday being very focused and diligent, cuz I'm so fricking exhausted right now. On the bright side, this will be over soon.

rachel at 12:02 AM

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Thursday, November 10, 2005

If I had you here, I'd clip your wings

Now this applies both equally to you and I
The only thing we share
Is the same sky
These empty metaphors
They're all in vain
Like can't you see the grass is greener where it rains

Officially, there is still one more paper to go, but I think in everyone's heart the exams are over. I needed rest so badly even though I haven't been that deprived of sleep, so I spent most of the afternoon napping. Finally recovered from my gastric and am back to eating normal food of the tasty kind.

It's been exactly one week. I can't believe time has gone by so fast. This period of time has been what I've been dreading, and no it's not the exams. My heart still aches, my mind still wanders, but give me some time. I never intended for any of this to happen but I never regretted any of it. I do dread those times when I'm alone, like when I wake up in the morning, because that'll be the only thing on my mind. But then again I shouldn't be bothered at all because nothing can come out of it, no amount of wishing/hoping/thinking/praying will work.

It's all so easy to say, but so hard to execute. I am in my mopey grumpy silly state, have been for days actually. It's been a long time since anyone or anything has had this effect on me.

I'm thinking after the exams end I should round up some people from school and go clubbing on Ladies' Night. That would be a great way to end off the semester, wouldn't it? :)

rachel at 11:29 PM

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Monday, November 07, 2005

u da man

Man U beat Chelsea. :) Must watch repeat.

Football is such a topsy turvy world. It doesn't mean that the tide is turning for Man U, they've still got unresolved issues. But ending Chelsea's 40-game unbeaten streak in the epl, now that's something to crow about, at least for now.

The first day of exams saw me throwing up my just-consumed breakfast. The queasiness was bad when I woke up, but it's been better after some medicine. I was dreading the exams before this but I'm more psyched now cuz the hols are in sight! Goody gumdrops.

The coffee that I had earlier when I went to buy lunch for the bro doesn't seem to be keeping me awake. It's one of those hotlazyafternoons where you just wanna watch cable tv and sleep on the king-sized comfort that is the parentals' bed.

Be still [and quiet], my roiling stomach.

rachel at 2:18 PM

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Sunday, November 06, 2005

mygirlsunday

I know that I haven't been in the best of moods lately.

I also know that to other people I don't look stressed but if you talk to me you'll know I am. I just want to do well in my first exams at university.

And, well, the psychosomatic symptoms have started to pop up. The headaches, the queasiness in my stomach. I took some medicine earlier, didn't go to church so I could rest, am feeling muchos better now.

My fingers are smudged with red, black and blue from attempting to write on a tennis ball. Wanted to write on a soccer ball cuz there's more space but I don't know where they've been kept. I think it's much more fun making and personalising your gifts instead of buying them. Usually I buy and personalise but this time round there wasn't enough time. Christmas is coming in about 40ish days so plenty of time for that.

So I finally managed to download this song after hearing it on Laguna Beach. It's called Almost Perfect cuz things can go swimmingly well at one point but since everything in life is transient the wonderful moments never last.

There's a reason for this situation
It's amazing, a shocking revelation
Love is crazy, it's got me upside down
got me upside down

when life hits you
and love gets you
you just gotta go with the flow

everything is almost perfect here
the reason is coming crystal clear
i think i really dig this atmosphere
it's almost perfect here

if you give in
don't let it freak you out
cuz you're the one thing
i've got this thing about
it's this emotion
that's got me inside out
it's got me inside out

when life hits you
and love gets you
you just gotta go with the flow

everything is almost perfect here
the reason is coming crystal clear
i think i really dig this atmosphere
it's almost perfect here.

I am now wondering if I should have let things be and when I think back there will only be happy things that spring to mind.

Hokay, time to hit the books again, no RHB Singapore Cup tonight or Man U vs Chelsea either. :( Thus heralds the start of a hellish week of exams.

rachel at 11:48 AM

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Saturday, November 05, 2005

sighs and lullabies

My head hurts. Wish I could go to sleep but there's so much more to be read.

Nothing like the feeling of crashing down to reality, eh. All my fault for having such bad timing. Too late to fix it I guess.

Everytime I think of those happy moments my eyes light up and the corners of my mouth instinctively curl up into a smile, then shortly after the truth hits home. My self-defence starts to crumble and the tears start to well up but I am too exhausted to cry.

This, coupled with exams, is making things hard to bear. The only thing to look forward to is getting out of here in ohhh about a week and a half.

I am rarely this mopey. Sitting in my chair yawning and driven to boredom by the 111 readings.

rachel at 11:46 PM

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for a friend

It was supposed to be a short poem but I ended up writing five stanzas of it with six lines in each. I have always found it hard to write poetry but lately the words have just been coming to me. But writing prose will not be a thing of the past, that will be my personal fave.

So this one was for Ruth, whose company I miss:

While home and humidity
Are all but a fourteen-hour journey
From the bright lights and bustle
And the cobble-stoned streets of London
Hold those memories close to you
For everyone over here misses you too.

Bit of a cheesy ending, that last stanza eh.

rachel at 12:57 AM

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Friday, November 04, 2005

memories

I don't know how to start writing about this. There are many ways to, but I haven't quite sorted out my thoughts. OK, I am glad for this incredible experience, short-lived as it was. It has made me so happy but that bliss is laced with a tinge of sadness because I know that this opportunity is not going to present itself again under my circumstances, and I shouldn't have left it till so late to do something about it. Mel was asking me if it was too good to be true...it's not at all. I went not knowing what to expect and not expecting anything. I came out with new perspectives. Maybe someday in the future I will read this again and think how hyperbolic this sounds. But for now, I'm just amazed.

If only I could keep it that way, but I can't. What will soon be left will be the memories.

I think I'll hold on to them.

rachel at 10:03 AM

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Wednesday, November 02, 2005

So much for deciding to get my act together for once and study hard for the exams. It's already Wednesday and my attention's been scattered over various things, most of them trivial. Just got off the phone with Bernie, we were both lamenting how screwed we're gonna be. I'm at home most of the time but have been very half-hearted about studying.

Like yesterday, after All Saints' Day mass, I decided to follow the parentals for yum cha at Chinatown, then went to see Fly. Today in a fit of boredom, I hatched this crazy idea and started messaging Mel on how to execute it. It has preoccupied me for most of the day. And then there's TV + online shopping. Plus I feel like eating all the time, so when I was in Chinatown I stocked up on all my favourite Hong Kong pastries + those nice kinda Chinese biscuits. It took alot for me to stay at home on Ladies' Night.

Then again, going clubbing too frequently would take the novelty out of it. There's only so much alcohol, smoke, mascara, dancing and taxi rides I can take before getting jaded. Plus, alotta people there tend to look like they don't really want to be there.

Oh well. Self-restraint now and hedonism later.

rachel at 10:09 PM

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